Looking Out Of A Bus Window

When I look back at the last six years of my life, I can uncover a lot of changes in my personality and beliefs. Before then, I was someone else. Living in a world which I do not have a clue about it. Looking at a picture of me from high-school or before then reminds me of an old friend who has disappeared suddenly among the passing time and I have a silent connection with him that indicates he is not going to show up again. Actually, I am not a bit sad about it, because I know he feels fine, wherever he is. Living in a small town started to drive me crazy when I was eighteen. I wanted to get out of there, to a place where I can experience long transportation or that sense of exhaust when you were out from 7 a.m and, now it is 8 p.m and you are still sitting on the bus’s thick chair, lying your head against the window, listening to music, and staring at the massive highway, and passing neon lights. I wanted to feel that moment when you lost in a big city, and you know no one would recognize you as a relative or friend.

I wanted to go somewhere, and detect my home address on the map, learn the bus numbers and routes, finding a cheap and cozy cafe, and most importantly walking endlessly on the wide sidewalks. Starting fresh was my main intention. Facing challenges on the daily basis, finding new friends, and joining life, no matter if it brings sadness or joy, to fight that old and wrinkled boredom living in that city with no place to go.

And now, after six years, I can assure myself that I truly did that. I saw neon lights, and I observed the city for hours from behind the bus’s window. I experienced depression, falling in love, following a dream, and feeling the swell sense of having an active friendship. Now I believe we all need fresh starts once in a while, to observe the darkroom of our minds from a different angle or with a new colored light. I think that’s what I do in my whole life. stability stops us from improvements. Sometimes I think about a million other lifestyles I would have chosen. How different I would see the world if I had grown up in a village. I always enjoy thinking about other ways, in anything.

Although, now I know that there is no way to escape boredom in life. Any negative feeling or emotion comes to the world with us and dies within our last breath. We need to search for the answer somewhere else, and that would be in our own thoughts and being. We are products of our environment, which is one of the biggest lessons I learned in the last six years. Now, imagine one who would be all over the world, then we will have the perfect recipe.

A young writer from Iran. (www.danialamari.com)